In this article, we have explained the anxious attachment style, its signs, how to deal with it, and other related issues. Continue reading to know more. According to the attachment theory, your early childhood experiences with your primary caregiver(s) play an important role in the way you perceive and behave in close relationships (2). It is believed that the attachment style you develop in early childhood has a lifelong influence. However, one can learn how to attach securely with awareness and treatment. This theory also links maternal loss or deprivation to personality development (1). Understanding a person’s attachment style can give you an insight into how they communicate their emotions and respond to conflict. It also helps you manage expectations from your partner. Extensive research has been conducted to understand the neurological, behavioral, emotional, and biological basis for this theory (3).
Anxious Attachment Style In Relationships – Causes And Signs
The exact cause of the anxious attachment style is still unknown. Genetics and parenting style may contribute to a person developing an anxious attachment style. However, the most probable factor could be inconsistent parenting where the primary caregivers were occasionally nurturing but also emotionally unavailable, insensitive, or overly critical. This confuses the child, often leading them to feel insecure and anxious. Another common childhood parenting style where the parents neglect nurturing their children emotionally – they do not soothe them, sometimes in an attempt to avoid pampering or spoiling them. This emotional neglect can manifest in adults as codependency, craving intimacy, and the need for constant validation or reassurance from their partners. Learn the common signs of anxious attachment style below.
Common Signs Of Anxious Attachment
The most common signs of anxious attachment style include:
Poor self-esteem Fear of abandonment Craving closeness and intimacy yet being scared of it Highly emotional Vulnerable to depression Trust issues Codependency Worrying about infidelity Constant need for validation Sensitivity, especially to your partner’s moods and needs Social anxiety Jealousy Being impulsive, unpredictable, and moody Trying to control the situation or your partner Being prone to panic attacks and anxiety disorders
This behavior makes romantic relationships tumultuous, stressful, and unstable. The good news is that identifying this attachment style can help you manage expectations in a relationship. Keep reading to find out how to do so in the next section.
Anxious Attachment Style – How To Heal
Although most attachment styles dictate the type of relationships we develop later in life, they are open to revision based on experiences – especially in romantic relationships (2). If you are aware that you exhibit traits of anxious attachment, it is a great start. It will help you adjust better to relationships and be more considerate toward your partner. Journaling, therapy, and having open and honest conversations with your partner can help you manage the situation. On the other hand, if you are in a relationship with someone who has anxious attachment style, you can try to make them more comfortable by showing them you truly care about them. This assurance will help them feel more secure. Thus, it takes constant effort from both sides to make the relationship work. Check out the next section for some tips that you can follow if you have an anxious attachment style.
10 Dating Tips For People With Anxious Attachment Style
Now, let us look at 5 tips that you can follow when your partner has anxious attachment style.
5 Dating Tips For People Dating Someone Who Has Anxious Attachment Style
Why are avoidants attracted to anxious individuals? If you struggle with an anxious attachment style, you can rectify it and form secure attachments by working on your self-awareness. By undergoing therapy and surrounding yourself with supportive and loving friends and family members, you can learn to trust, grow stronger and learn to manage your emotions better. Likewise, if your partner struggles with such conditions, you need to be empathetic, listen to them, and communicate with them. Finally, encourage them to take all the help they can get and appreciate all their little achievements. Avoidants may be attracted to individuals with an anxious-attachment style as their core wounds revolve around neglect or lack of love and anxious individuals can fill that need with copious amounts of love, attention, and affection. Is anxious attachment love? Anxious attachment may feel like love, but it is coming from a wounded place and a fear of abandonment. However, with the right kind of support from the right partner, there is scope for healing and forming healthy connections that come from a place of security and safety, and be more loving and less trauma bonding.
