According to a survey, 22% of mothers are “toxic” as against 19% of fathers (1). This could be quite shocking, but the statistics say so! So, how do you find out if a relationship is toxic? Can we rebuild a healthy relationship? In this article, we will discuss the causes and signs of a toxic relationship between a mother and a son and how to deal with it. Keep reading.
Compulsive Controlling: From what toothbrush to use and which subjects to pick to whom to marry, the constant need to control the son is a glowering example of an unhealthy mother and son relationship.
Manipulation: Manipulative behavior to get things done her way or fulfill her wishes is a classic example of an unhealthy mother-son relationship. Crying, making the son feel bad, and gaining sympathy are a few ways some mothers tend to manipulate.
Abuse: Verbally and physically abusive behavior is commonly exhibited by insecure mothers. From giving the cold shoulder, calling names, comparing with others, using words to intentionally hurt, to punishing for the smallest of errors are signs of an unhealthy, toxic relationship.
Threats: Another sign that a mother-son relationship is toxic is the mother constantly threatening to leave home. This results in abandonment issues later in life.
Narcissistic Behavior: Narcissists are tough to impress. They have impossibly high standards. They do not see their son(s) as an individual, but rather as an extension of themselves. As a result, the relationship takes an unhealthy turn when the expectations are not met by the son. This, in turn, affects the son’s future relationships with his friends, colleagues, and family members.
Interference: Interfering with who to marry and further interference later in the marriage is another sign of a toxic mother-son relationship. It causes marital problems and sometimes burns the bridges between the son and his wife.
Overprotectiveness: Mothers protect. But overprotective behavior that demands the son be constantly monitored, sneakily seeking information about him, and fighting his fights are a few signs. In the long run, this can become annoying and ruin the relationship.
Substance Abuse: Abusing substances and being unable to take care of the son and/or finances strains the relationship. Neglect and immature decisions often make the son shoulder a lot of responsibilities. In the long run, this dependency on the mother without helping or contributing to the relationship crushes the mother-son bond.
Unapologetic Nature: Harsh treatment or manipulation can cause a rift and reduce trust. However, mothers who do not take responsibility for their actions or apologize often push their sons away. Not apologizing deepens the crack in the mother-son relationship.
These are the various reasons a mother and son relationship becomes toxic. But to err is human. And, like issues in any other relationship, a bad mother and son relationship stems from certain psychological issues. We will discuss the same in the next section.
Causes Of Mother And Son Relationship Problems
Insecurity: Possessive, over-protective, manipulative, abusive, and narcissistic behavior originates from a mother’s insecurity. Fear of losing control of her life, feeling ignored, financial problems, a divorce or separation, losing a job, etc. can trigger insecurity.
Depression: Mothers who are depressed have a negative effect on their children (2). Postpartum depression and/or clinical depression can make the mother neglect or abuse their son (3).
Childhood Abuse: Women who have experienced childhood abuse can become harsh parents (2). In other words, they repeat the parenting style they experienced in their childhood, which contributes to their negative behavior.
Unhealthy attachment style in a mother and son relationship is psychologically complex. Making amends for toxic parenting and forgiving can slowly heal the relationship. In the following section, we advise mothers and sons on how to rebuild the relationship.
How To Build A Healthy Mother And Son Relationship
Any relationship is a two-way street. For it to work, both parties have to invest the effort. We have listed out to-dos and not-to-dos for both mothers and sons to rebuild the mother-son relationship. Take a look.
10 Things Mothers Can Do To Improve The Mother-Son Relationship
Read more: reasons to love your mom These are the 10 things mothers can do to mend their relationship with their son(s). The following section lists out 7 things sons can do to improve their relationship with their mother.
7 Things Sons Can Do To Improve The Mother-Son Relationship
A majority of responsibility for a bad mother and son relationship is shouldered by mothers. However, a lot of toxicity can come from sons as well. It may be a reaction to the mother’s behavior. But the bigger picture here is to mend the cracks. Here’s what a son can do to create a healthy mother-son relationship: What is mother-son enmeshment? Check out the infographic below on some mother-son quality time ideas that can help you both build stronger and healthier bonds. An enmeshed mother-son relationship is where the son becomes a mama’s boy and cannot separate from his mother even after growing up. There are no boundaries in the relationship, and the son fails to have an identity and values of his own. What is a normal mother-son relationship? A normal mother-son relationship involves healthy boundaries, privacy, support, trust, love, and individual freedom. It does not involve manipulation and toxic behaviors. What is codependency between a mother and son? It is an unhealthy relationship between a mother and her son where the mother exerts unnecessary control over her son’s life.
